DO I LOOK LIKE AN ATM????

Dear Parent,

Children and money are both like iron rings we put through our noses. They lead us around wherever they want. However, we forget that we are the ones who designed them. Simply put, your angelic darling of a child may have you bamboozled. Despite your protests to the contrary, your little bundle of joy has you wrapped around her little manipulative finger because she knows you so well!

You see, from the day you placed her in her bassinet, your child has seen you coo and fawn over her so often that she can anticipate your next move, especially when it comes to money. Your unsympathetic child watches as your heart palpitates, your palms become sweaty, and your voice climbs an octave. Your perfect child is deaf to the “Do I look like an ATM?” tirades that may respond to their urgent, countless pleas to install a swimming pool in the backyard or to have a sweet sixteen party at the Four Seasons.

Dear parent, you may hate to admit it, but your child was born a professional beggar. Sound a tad harsh? What about crumb snatcher? Master manipulator? How about financial terrorist? No need to become protective of the cute little pickpocket you are living with; sooner or later, you are going to be living in the poorhouse as your firstborn robs your 401(k) retirement account to fund his wish list for countless Christmas Futures.

Remember when your child uttered his first words? Remember how you phoned your relatives, thinking your child was expressing affection for you? It was a con game. Your baby knew that, in order to get your attention to appease his fleeting desires, he would have to address you as Mama or Dada. Sadly, your child is naturally more inclined to utter “Gimme” or “I wanna” as his very first words. From his perspective, these words get right to the point without wasting time with unnecessary salutations.

Still, you may protest, “But I teach my child how to be appreciative. Really, I do!” King or Queen of Denial, far be it from me to disagree. But let’s take a moment to review a scenario I’d venture to guess you’ve experienced a few times before: “Can I have a dollar?” your child asks.

“Say ‘please,’” you sternly reply.

“Pleeeeease,” your child parrots.

Confident that in that moment you have socialized your child to become the next Mahatma Gandhi, you satisfy your child’s appeal. And your child believes, in spite of your denial, that you are indeed an automatic teller machine. And so it continues.

“What did you do with the allowance I gave you yesterday? Hand me my purse. You know you need to learn how to budget!” And so it continues.

“Honey, would you take that child to the mall and buy him another pair of Nike Air Force 1 High sneakers so he can stop all that incessant pouting?”

And so it continues.

It did not start off that way. When you decided to have a child, you thought that you were in control. More than anything in the world, you desired to bestow limitless love on your child, perhaps even more than you had personally experienced. You were determined to be your definition of a perfect parent. And you were sure your child would bond with you and love you in return. Your worth as a parent and as a human being would be reflected in the love of your child, who would boast, “I have the best mommy and daddy in the whole world.”

That was the starting plan, but that is not the way it turned out. When it comes to financial matters, your child has learned that he can manipulate you because you are so concerned with how he feels about you. And as long as his loving you is more important to you than your nurturing a compassionate, financially responsible, self-reliant, service-minded child who will serve the world, you can forget about sailing around the world on your private yacht. Avoiding (or refusing) opportunities to teach children about money and to take loving care of yourself will result in your children becoming manipulative and selfish adults who lack the tools to survive and prosper in the world.

But not to worry—there is hope, and you are not alone. The World of Money Online and Youth Financial Education Training Institute exist to support you.

As the Founder and Chief Executive Officer of the youth financial education charitable organization World of Money, I am uniquely qualified to address this issue because of candid observations of children like yours. And while I adore children and believe that it is my life mission to empower them through financial and entrepreneurial education, my compassion for them does not exist to the extent that I will allow them to marinate in the illusion of entitlement and ignorance.

And knowingly, nor will you, dear parent.

Children came into the world without a reflection button that would enable them to say, “Oh, mother and father of mine, there is no need to waste your hard-earned dollars on a new PlayStation. That would be frivolous. May we please sit down as a family and review our household expenses? May we review where we can eliminate unnecessary household expenses? May we designate each Friday to be Coupon Clipping Night?” Unless you gave birth to frugal billionaire Warren Buffet, you’ll never hear your son say, “Mother dear, why not purchase my school clothes when they are on sale? Our family could financially benefit from the fifty percent savings, and then we could donate the clothes that I have outgrown to charity.”

Children, being the brilliant beings from heaven that they are, know that while they are tugging on your heartstrings, they are nibbling away at your common sense—all the while draining your savings account. Children also recognize when their shell game is in grave danger of coming to a screeching halt.

One young girl, whose mother enrolled her at the World of Money Youth Financial Education Institute, had undergone a life-changing transformation. Her mother witnessed a dramatic change in her child. “Now she begs me to open a mutual fund account for her, and I don’t remember the last time she went on a shopping spree. My daughter really wants to help lower our household expenses. She has become a financial team leader in our family.” The principles that guided this mother’s child during the institute permeate our educational programming.

Perhaps as a child, the only parental figure you observed saving money was an elderly relative who kept her money nestled under her mattress or between the pages of the Bible she kept on her nightstand. Or maybe you remember those affluent kids at school who were members of the economics club, whose nannies drove the newest foreign-made automobiles to pick them up from school. You may have already heard about the Dow Jones Industrial Average or listened to heated debates about the economic stability of world markets during the last two minutes of your television news broadcast. Your eyes may glaze over at the mention of commodities, and you may think that they are viruses you contract as a side effect of the flu vaccine. Perhaps you’re a parent who dreads taking a close inventory of your relationship with money. Secretly, you want your children to have access to far more financial education than you ever dreamed of. You know that your children need it. You have observed your children’s obsession with money: they love spending yours. You are unnerved by the media influences that inform your family’s financial decisions.

Or perhaps you have noticed that your child prefers to save her earnings and her financial gifts but is tightfisted when it comes to sharing. You may have a child who is displaying the names of six different high-profile designers on his body at any given time. You may complain to your friends or scold your children about their disrespect of money, yet because your own relationship with money is fragile, the conversation rarely moves from emotional disapproval to an educated, interactive discussion.

Your child’s early financial education could change that.

In reality, your children love you and side with you. Your children may not know or admit it because they believe that it is their mission in life to make you believe that anything you find relevant is not worthy of their attention. In their minds, whatever issues are relevant to parents could not ever reach the cool factor. However, because children do not understand the full impact that money has on their lives, your children often use money as unconsciously as we all have. Over the years, I have observed that discussing money matters is taboo in many families, akin to talking about sex or politics. But having these conversations is actually one of the best investments you can make in your relationship with your child.

During my private conversations with parents and children, I encourage them to seize these moments to hit the reset button in their relationships with money.

Lifelong financial education – we must accomplish this self-empowered mission together!

(excerpt: “Do I Look Like An ATM? A Parent’s Guide For Developing Financially Responsible African-American Children.” Chicago Review Press

Walk as you own the earth,

Sabrina Lamb

Founder and Executive Director

WorldofMoney.org